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3 Things You Need to Know About Anger

3 Things You Need to Know About Anger

1.  Anger acts as the check engine light. When you notice anger coming up in your body: stomach, chest, face, etc, it’s time to slow down and pull the car over to check in with what is really going on. (Car is you; Engine is your heart) Without anger we cannot love...
Pleasant lie or painful truth?

Pleasant lie or painful truth?

Painful truth is better than a pleasant lie. – Bryant McGill Almost two years ago now, my family received some unexpected news. A painful truth, if you will. And it felt how I imagine a tsunami would feel. Frightening. Suffocating. Powerful. Inescapable. And for...
Clearing out the Weeds of Resentments

Clearing out the Weeds of Resentments

My husband, Steve, is a master gardener. He has created wonderful beauty in our gardens in every house in which we have lived. Most of our marriage, I did not contribute anything to the gardens. My shame would not allow me to even participate because I had no...
Some Days You Feel Like the Ocean

Some Days You Feel Like the Ocean

Some days you will feel like the ocean. Some days you will feel like you are drowning in it. – Lora Mathis Aren’t there moments when this is absolutely true — we feel like the ocean! Powerful. Strong. Unstoppable. Floating easily with contentment and joy,...
Discovering My Neediness In Parenting

Discovering My Neediness In Parenting

Working with children, teens, and families has taught me many impactful lessons throughout my years of practice. One lesson that rings true for me more than ever is: parenting is not for the faint of heart, but the strong and courageous. They say it is the hardest job...
Beautiful and Terrible Things Will Happen

Beautiful and Terrible Things Will Happen

“Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen.” Beuchner If ever a human being summed up existence in fifteen words or less, Frederick Buechner does it here. The world is full of beautiful things. Sunset at the beach The laughter of...
Summertime Sadness

Summertime Sadness

There is a song by Lana Del Rey called “Summertime Sadness”. It’s a love song bidding someone we love farewell. It’s stuffed with loss, adrenaline, and recklessness. The video, in as heartbreaking as pop music can get kind of way, encapsulates what it feels like to...
Surviving Back to School Chaos

Surviving Back to School Chaos

“Mom, I am so sad.” On the way home from tax-free weekend shopping, my son, gazing out the window as we passed his old middle school, said, “Oh Mom, I’m so sad. I will miss my old middle school.” In that moment, I realized that I was sad too....
To Change

To Change

For the majority of my life, I’ve felt drawn to change. Not the dye-my-hair-every-season type of change, but a voracious hunger for new surroundings, new roles to explore, new relationships to replace old. I moved across the city, the country, the world; I changed...
Feelings are Inevitable

Feelings are Inevitable

Years ago I wrote a book titled The Voice of the Heart: A Call to Full Living. It is about feelings and living how we are created to live. That was almost twenty years ago. I have continued to work in the field of “living life on life’s terms” and continue to...
Fear and the Unknown

Fear and the Unknown

We do not truly fear the unknown. In reality, we fear a recurrence of painful events we have already experienced, seen, or know have happened to someone else. This fear of recurrence is experiential and understandable. Nevertheless, it can trap us in a cycle. The...
Hurt People Hurt People

Hurt People Hurt People

When people get hurt in relationship and do not receive healing from the wounds, they have a logical and defensible tendency to become protective against more pain. A wound that does not receive attention remains sensitive; a person becomes wary of being relationally...
I’m Sorry

I’m Sorry

What do you say when you don’t know what to say? What can be said that helps when you are presented with another person’s loss, pain, grief, and struggle? When we are presented with pain over which we are powerless to repair, the words that truly fit the circumstance...
Two Gifts Children Need

Two Gifts Children Need

Children are human just like parents, except that they are younger. A great separation between the parent and the child, however, is that children neither know, nor have they experienced all that the parent has found out or been through. With that reality in mind,...
Boundaries Start with Me

Boundaries Start with Me

Boundaries in relationships are the markers that help differentiate you from someone else, or communicate where you “begin” and “end.” Using an analogy of land ownership with fences and gates, boundaries are the fences around your land. Gates are the passageways that...
The Wheel of Functioning

The Wheel of Functioning

A primary responsibility of a healthy family system is to help develop children into capable human beings. Two hallmark expressions of the emotionally and spiritually capable human being are the ability to work and to love, i.e., to be able to live fully in...
What is Maturity?

What is Maturity?

As an external description, maturity is the evidence of reaching full natural growth or development. As an internal description, maturity is the emotional and relational capability of living fully and loving deeply while experiencing life on life’s terms. By being...
Works in Progress

Works in Progress

The best we will ever become is Works in Progress (WIPs). No matter what we do, we will always be like giraffes running on ice — clumsy. Our dreams really will always exceed our grasp, no matter how perfect our plans. I believe that God likes that we dream. We carry...
Mattering

Mattering

The need to belong is met by having a place where you can be yourself, in all the struggles that entails. A place where you can be accepted as you share and deal with feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope. You belong when you know that you can be celebrated in...
Belonging

Belonging

A famous rock star said that she never felt more alone than after a performance in front of thousands of admirers. After the performance ended, she had no one to turn to who met her need to belong. Heroin became her closest companion and the counterfeit experience of...
Created to Need

Created to Need

What is a need? To put it as starkly as possible, needs are deficits that require biological, emotional and spiritual gratification for fulfillment. Deficit fulfillment keeps us fully alive. Needs have to be gratified to be alive. The specific needs we have are the...