Parenting Big Feelings: Building Resilience in Yourself

“Rather than seeking to be safe and in control, we become capable of living life on life’s terms. Instead of striving for perfection, we find rest in the reality that we will be, for the rest of our days, a constant work in progress, perennially unfinished, perpetually imperfect—always becoming in the experience of daily living. When we begin to accept that clumsy is the best we get—like giraffes on ice—we can begin to offer what our children really need from us: heartfelt relationship." -- Stephen James, Parenting With Heart

Parenting can often feel like a roller coaster of emotions - joy, love, frustration, and anger. But as parents, when we understand our own emotions, we can better guide our children through theirs. 

Helping our kids navigate big feelings is an essential part of parenting. Here are a few tips to help you do just that…

Validate their feelings

When your child is going through a rough patch, your first instinct may be to tell them that everything will be okay or that their feelings are unwarranted. However, it's essential to validate their feelings by acknowledging that what they're experiencing is real. 

You can do this by saying things like "This is really hard," "It's okay to feel angry/sad/upset," or "I’m right here with you."

Create a safe space for sharing

Children need to feel safe and secure to share their emotions. Create an environment that encourages them to open up and express themselves.

This includes making time for them, actively listening to what they have to say, and showing empathy and understanding. Let them know that you're there for them, no matter what.

Teach them appropriate coping mechanisms

Children often don't know how to deal with big emotions and may resort to lashing out or throwing tantrums: all developmentally normal ways of dealing with their frustrations.

Teach them age-appropriate coping mechanisms such as taking deep breaths, going for walks, doing something creative, engaging in imaginative play or talking to a trusted adult. Encourage them to identify their emotions and find healthy ways to work through them.

Model healthy emotional expression

Children learn by example. Show them that it's okay to express emotions in a healthy way. This means avoiding outbursts of anger, modeling healthy communication, and demonstrating empathy. 

When you make a mistake, be accountable and show your child that it's okay to make mistakes and learn from them.

Seek help when needed

There may be times when your child's emotions are too big for you to handle alone. Don't be afraid to seek help from a mental health professional. They can provide a safe space for your child to process their emotions and teach them appropriate coping mechanisms.

“So the question we need to be asking as a parent is not “How am I doing?” as in looking for a grade, but “What am I doing?” -- Parenting With Heart

Going Deeper

• In what ways do you currently validate and encourage your child's expression of big emotions, and are there any adjustments you can make to further support them?
• How do you model healthy emotional expression in front of your child, and what changes can you make to ensure you are setting a positive example for them?
• Are there specific situations or triggers where you find it challenging to guide your child through their big feelings, and how can you proactively approach these situations in the future?

Parenting big feelings can be challenging, but validating your child's emotions, creating a safe space for sharing, teaching appropriate coping mechanisms, modeling healthy expression, and seeking help when needed, can go a long way in helping your child navigate through life's ups and downs. 

Remember that every child is different, and what may work for one child, may not work for another. 

Keep an open mind, and above all else, let your child know that you're there for them, every step of the way.

How Sage Hill Can Help

Sage Hill is a social impact organization that provides life-changing counseling, coaching, and programs for individuals, couples, and families that disrupt the status quo and release the human heart. 

Our free Navigating Feelings Webinar is a great place to start to understand your own feelings. Register for free here.

We also provide relationship-focused, evidence-based, counseling services to help you live fully. Get connected with us by starting the process here.

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