This season I have been counting down every day until Christmas. I have been playing all of the classic Christmas songs from Bing Crosby to Amy Grant. However, there is still an emptiness I feel. The fear comes up when I have a second to sit still.
Anxiety has a tight hold on hope.
What if I don’t celebrate enough?
What if my decorations aren’t “pinterest-y” enough?
What if I don’t get my kids everything on their list?
What if I’m sadder after the holiday is over?
What if I can’t fake my way through the season?
Our feelings do not stop during the holidays.
Anxiety has a tight hold on hope. The way fear works is that it strangles what you might be afraid of. It also takes away from the good…the moments of just being present and breathing in the surprise of the season. Anxiety does not leave space for mystery, openness, and creativity. It thrives on control, power, and fretfulness.
What if this year you are more honest. The reality is it’s a stressful time but most people try not to seem stressed. Maybe the gift of Christmas is being present and honestly attending to your feelings. Stop pretending. Show up where you are and my guess is that you will give yourself the gift of wonder even in the midst of heartache.
Christmas might be better than you can imagine because you will be more open and less perfect. Our feelings do not stop during the holidays, so instead of being anxious about all you are feeling…feel them. They might lead you to a place of calmness, restoration, and peace. Vulnerability around this season could be what it’s all about.
I hope you find a safe place to show up and tell what is in your heart.